Then something occurred to me..
I went to Italy to rest, so I could come back home well-rested and ready for everything that the last weeks of the summer has to give me. It didn't really turn out that way.
With me I had Shane Claiborne's book "The Irresistible Revolution" . Basically the book is about how to find God and how to become the very least. The thing is, I'm not very good at loving people. I often find myself judging people I shouldn't judge (if you didn't know, I shouldn't judge anyone). So instead of loving people, I judge them by their cover. That's ok when you're talking about a book, but now we're talking about peoples, with emotions and everything. Every time that happens I realize how mean I am, I apologize to God and I do nothing to change my behaviour. I suck.
Anyways, I went to Italy with The irresistible revolution. As I read the book I realized that I'm in the wrong place all the time. I can¨t sit in a tourist village and feel comfortable when I know there is people out there that don't even have a roof over their heads at night. I was restless and I felt like everything I did was wrong. So one day I went to the village and I walked in to the cathedral. It was this big cathedral with big stained glass windows with pictures of Jesus hanging on the cross, Mary crying at his feet and so on (you get the picture.. haha conundrum) Anyways. The stained glass windows didn't really catch my eyes, because there was something else that felt more important to watch. I saw a couple of nuns sitting in the front row, praying together with some beggars that I had seen out on the streets some days before.
When I saw them praying something occurred to me. Something that I had read so many times before. That we should not strive to be the first, because it is the last that will be first in the kingdom of God. And still I'm trying so hard to be first. I guess that's the curse of being a loser.
I have no more words. And now I don't know where to post this...
